Two weeks back, I was involved in a workshop around defining
the brand proposition for one of our key brands that caters to urban mothers in
Indonesia.
The conversation veered towards the brand’s purpose, driven
by a painful understanding that married women increasingly fall into a vicious
cycle of becoming unappealing as a partner to their husbands in their endeavor
to do more financially for their family’s well-being. With more housewives working
to shoulder financial responsibility in
addition to their familial responsibilities, their lead role in nurturing the
family threatens the man, whose social upbringing has not inculcated values of
equality or need to show gratitude.
This leads to either neglect from the man, who is unable to
deal with his wife’s emancipation or in extreme cases, abuse as a form of asserting
control.
Abuse. Neglect. Infidelity. A price middle class mothers
have to pay for their sincere effort towards contributing more to their family’s
well being. A price women have to pay in the honest intent to help their
husbands with a financial hand.
The popular discourse discussed was around “Gender
Sensitization” – about convincing men to appreciate their wife’s efforts. Or getting
them to say “Thank You”.
As a hardcore feminist; this discourse goes the very grain
of what I believe in – equality; financially, emotionally and intellectually. And
in an alliance; the ability to contribute meaningfully to all these aspects.
The principle of equality in the face of an increasingly
equal financial footing is to get men to shoulder more responsibility at home –
in the kitchen, in the cleaning, in the emotional upbringing of the children.
If the mother works, the father must cook. If the father
chooses to be a nurturing dad, the mother needs to be the chief bread earner.
The workshop helped me clarify my stance on this debate around
sensitization vs. equality. Sensitization panders to the outdated social norms
of woman as the bread maker and the man as the bread earner.
It asks men to care about the effort. It doesn’t ask men to
share the effort.
As of today, the men who do are an insignificant minority.
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