I consider myself a feminist. To me, that means believing
and practicing a relationship of equals with every woman I interact with. Without
making gender a point of distinction.
I find it strange that by just being a staunch believer in
equality, I would be deemed a feminist. Equality should be tablestakes.
But we live in a world where patriarchy has been so pre-dominant
(across most cultures), that equality has become the north star for feminism.
Evidence to this is that some men call my kind a “pussy”.
(there are many other more colorful references, but this captures it the best).
I find the term an indictment of their own state of mind.
First; the assumption that having an equal relationship is akin to not standing
up for what you believe. And second; the term of reference itself amounts to
referring to women as a sexual, weaker sex.
However, the ones I really pity are the ones who live with a
false sense of equality. When in fact, they are living in a relationship of “permissible
equality”; one where they believe they “allow” the woman to do things – work,
have an occasional drink, not be bothered about her hanging with male friends.
They believe that being granting this “permission”; they are open-minded and
modern men.
In reality, they are
a.
MIS-INFORMED – Their belief of equality being
granted, not being the norm; is mis-informed.
b.
NARCISSTIC – The “freedom” they accord comes for
a sense of “narcissism”; of having the power to make the choice for the woman.
c.
HYPOCRITES – At the first sign of provocation,
they will return to their natural traditional selves.
For such men, I think it is worth clearly defining what equality
means. Almost like a Dummy’s guide to gender equality”; which in their
particular case would also make an apt title.
The book has one page. And the page has two simple truths:-
SAME RULES APPLY
– Same wages, same opportunities, same behavior. So if you can smoke and drink,
she can too. If you can work late, she can too. If you can go to BKK for a
dirty weekend, you can’t have a problem with her being polygamous too. I am
talking about the extremes but they make the point.
LEGACY OF EQUALITY
– It’s the culture of patriarchy that has made
gender inequality such a burning issue. If you want to end it, end the
virtuous cycle. Treat your colleagues in the exact same way, irrespective of
gender. Bring your children up with the exact same rules, without discrimination
between the boy and girl child. Be a true equal to your wife – share the
emotional, physical and financial workload.
The men who don the garb of gender equality will cringe at
the above.
To them, I’d say; my friends – you aren’t feminists. You are
chauvinists in denial. Which makes you worse than the patriarchs.
So please GROW A SET OF BALLS.
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