Welcome to the “arranged employment” market

Think of a typical process of scouting for prospective partners in an arranged marriage.

You send out feelers through family and friends, or you enlist the services of a well connected “wedding expert” (usually a family relative), nowadays even that process has evolved – people put up their profiles on wedding sites.

Now think of how the job market works – if you want to change jobs, you ask friends and colleagues for contacts/info, contact a professional recruiter or consultant and if you get like really, really desperate, you post your profile on job sites. Just like in a marriage, so too in a job; the internet remains the option of last resort, a means of desperation when nothing else works. Fairly similar scouting process, isn’t it?

Step 2 – Prospective partners are identified and their profiles scanned (exactly same process in a job as well, the only thing missing here is probably the picture, but depending on the tendency of the employer, that may play a role too – especially in advertising agencies). And few lucky individuals are selected to be interviewed (parents meet, employers meet). Increasingly here too, the codes have changed simultaneously, earlier it was layered – uncles, then parents, then prospective and in an employment scenario, the HR head, then the interdepartmental interview and then the immediate boss. Nowadays pretty much both cut directly to the chase.

Step 3 – Couple of prospects are identified and then starts the “investigation”. Iske mama ke chacha ke dost se baat karte hain…are there any skeletons in the closet that can be found. Similarly, employers too look for information from the “employee’s distant professional relatives”, first boss, agency moles, etc. Usually, in both searches, they are looking for the same thing – character clarification. Boozard, womanizing issues, income, ability to get along, temper, etc….And more often than not, everything tends to come clean (in most cases). Just like in marriage so too in jobs, people are more than capable of hiding skeletons.

Step 4 – This one’s relatively new to both. Courtship period. The guy and gal get to spend some quality time together, to figure out whether they BOND..In a marriage situation, the only bonding that the guy is looking is some quick pre-marital action. The same rules apply to jobs. The employee is asked to meet people in the company over a drink to figure out if it’s his kinda place…all he’s looking for is a. how much are they willing to pay me and b. how hot are the gals here….Completely futile exercise in both cases, I must say.

Step 5 – Len Den. Simple and straightforward. Here it’s the job market that again learning from the marriage market. “Deal Sweeteners” have made their way into corporate packages. Uncles and dads offer honeymoon packages, companies offer Porsches and Jags (recent CEOs of ad agencies should know). The incentive plan’s made it to the marriage market as well. “Beta, in a year; we’ll get you a flat in Lokhandwala too” Read between the lines, you take care of my child and I’ll take care of you after a year…

Step 7 – Break aways and break offs….All done, the pasts buried, ex girlfriends told to back off, current employers told about the “I’m moving on” story; this is what’s best for you and me….again these ones work for both employees and ex’s too…

Step 6 – Sign on the dotted line…pheras….seal the deal.

Step 7 – Honeymoon and first day at job – in both cases, the “humping” begins….

Sounds familiar??